You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
