you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize