I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
