we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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