The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
