I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
