I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize