You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
