goodnight i made you a song goodbye
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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