Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
