the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
