and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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