Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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