lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
