How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
