dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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