You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
