I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize