I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
