I want to have your abortion
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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