I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
