just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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