Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
