it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
