maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am naked and annoyed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
