you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
