it hurts more in the daytime
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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