the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize