i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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