At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
