I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
