I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
