Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize