I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
