why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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