You really coming over, don't trick.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
