so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
