Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
