Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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