I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
