Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
