last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she told me i tasted like america
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
