Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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