We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
