Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize