happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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