Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
