This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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