he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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