I think my fart just growled at me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
