I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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