I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
