Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
