You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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