Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
