Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize