just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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