Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
