Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
