Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
