question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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