I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
