I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
