Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
