i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
