never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The air was thick with penises
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize