He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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