he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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