I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
