Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
