I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
