Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
