I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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