i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize