you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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