she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
