Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
